A Survey About Friendship
It’s been a while. I can’t seem to focus enough to write. I’ve got a lot of thoughts but I just can’t seem to piece them together into something that wouldn’t be completely misunderstood.
In the mean time, I’ll just ask an informal question:
Q. Are you married and also have “close friends” — either as a couple or as an individual? If so, please describe this relationship and why you classify them as a “close friend.” (If not, feel free to say, “no not really.”)
November 23rd, 2005 at 8:22 am
yes i am married and yes i have some close friends.
i think of my of one friend up here as close because i am able to talk to him about my struggles and be real with him. even thoufh as a minister i sometimes feel i need to hide my struggles from my churc’s members but this guy is both a member and a coworker in my ministry. his family is also close to our family too. so it is a personal relationship and a family friend.
the closest and best friends i have had since moving to falls church have been fellow youth ministers mainly because we all shared the same struggles and we were all working in the same field so we could relate to each other that way.
November 26th, 2005 at 2:58 pm
Yes, married.
Yes, close friends.
Some relationships are just more intimate than others, speaking specifically of friendships of course. “Closeness”, if you will, can only be maintained in a limited number of relationships. There is a law of diminishing returns or a radioactive half-life that pertains to them…..
November 26th, 2005 at 8:50 pm
So what specifically defines those limited relationships as being “close” for you ‚Äî “intimacy” is pretty generic? I’d also like to hear more about the half-life theory.
November 27th, 2005 at 11:19 pm
Hmmm …. (note sound of knuckles cracking as I prepare to type)….
I think that when I used the term intimacy - I meant familiarity with the details of one’s life and one’s family. Generally, that familiarity comes with spending time with someone - and as you and I both know, there is only so much of that to go around.
Those friends that I would call close, are those that I spend the most time with and know the most about (not just generalities, but what is really going on in their lives). Though I’d like to extend the number of these relationships - it is difficult. I mean - there are too many times I don’t even know the details of what’s going on in my own families’ lives!! So, if the ‘close’ friend doesn’t receive enough time or attention, the intimacy (familiarity with details, closeness in life’s battles and journeys) decays…. hence the concept of a half-life.
To know someone, one must spend time with them. Does any of that make sense?
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November 28th, 2005 at 9:52 am
Thx, anyone else out there got any input?
November 28th, 2005 at 5:39 pm
I have close friends in couples and individuals. Why? Three things. Time. Time spent together in good times and bad times, joy and sorrow, strife and peace. Proximity. Closeness brings closeness. Common ground. All my close friends have some major thing in common with me (us).
Close friends prioritize time with each other. Sure there are seasons when both or one set of lives are way too busy. Thankfully seasons change.
Here’s something I heard put well from the mouth of Kenny Rogers about Lionel Richie regarding friendship, “Lionel’s a good friend because I hadn’t seen him in ten years, but we picked up right where we left off”. Bear in mind they spent a lot of time together in the late ’70s and ’80s.
One more thing. Close friends are people who have seen you for who you are for real and don’t retreat, but accept you for who you are, lumps in all.
All this brings about care and concern, the relational barometer for whether friendships are close or just acquintances.
November 28th, 2005 at 10:14 pm
Hey - I can sing like both Lionel Richie AND Kenny Rogers…… hmmmm…… interesting.
Someone’s been watching Crossroads on CMT.