End of the Innocence
Homeschooling and private school are a big deal in Christian circles these days and is discussed often as most of our friends are parents of young children. I recently realized that I don’t have problems with the idea of homeschooling itself — as there are numerous benefits. I just subscribe to a different philosophy of parenting than is generally found in the homeschooling camp — notice I didn’t say ALL.
With the best of intentions, some parents just don’t acknowledge certain ideas with their children. It is often described as an effort to protect a child’s innocence but how far does that go? In other societies people are considered grown by their mid-teens — ready for marriage, to fight wars, to be responsible for themselves and children. Even in my short time with a five year old, I just don’t see how you can bring up a child with a healthy world view without acknowledging subjects like sex, death, and evolution from the earliest years (in ever-increasing amounts as they get older, of course).
From questions about when they can be a parent, to the first insect they step on or a relative dies, to hearing the presentation about the gorillas at the zoo, these subjects are all around us. I’d rather be the one that answers my kids’ questions now and help them form their own thoughts as they get older so they aren’t caught off guard by things in public school, private school, or where ever they are.
October 25th, 2005 at 5:19 pm
Hey, man, if you aren’t homeschooling your kids, you should be flogged for child abuse.
JUST KIDDING!
October 26th, 2005 at 9:50 am
No, that’s not my question.
Every philosophy has its pros and cons. It seems like the “shelterist” philosophy tries to emulate the culture of the 30s - 50’s ‚Äî we just don’t talk about certain things. In my discussions with homeshooling parents, it is often said that sending a child to public school is more difficult because the parent has to “undo” everything the child learns. To me it seems just as difficult to make sure that you as a parent are the filter for every experience and idea that your child may encounter in today’s culture.
The problem with today’s culture isn’t that kids are exposed to so much too soon (as other cultures have shown) but that parents aren’t parenting (instilling values and a sense of morality) and don’t expect much from their children when they are exposed to various things.
I’m not saying I’ll tell my kids every detail about how sinful the world is but teach them the principles of marriage and modesty so that when they inevitably encounter the sinful things of this world they will be able to process them through their own filter. Some may say that I expect too much, I guess we’ll see.
The extreme shelterist approach just may work. I just want to be sure that I don’t fall somewhere in between and have a “two-faced” method of parenting that is more about my comfort as a parent and leaves my children ill-equiped.
October 26th, 2005 at 10:52 am
Another voice to present the homeschool view:
I agree with David, that we really need to get all the facts to our children that the world is going to provide. I’d rather they learn the truth from parents than half-truths from peers.
But the advantage of homeschooling is that they don’t then have to be bombarded with immoral references to oral s-x every day on the bus. In a homeschool environment, you can wrap this information within the context of what is good, healthy, and ideal. But at school, the kids are more likely to get bombarded on a daily basis with the wrong messages. For instance, my daughter (now in public school) is convinced that *every* 6th grader has a boyfriend. This wasn’t a concern when she was in the homeschool crowd.
October 26th, 2005 at 11:15 am
Our choice for homeschooling in conjunction with private school is to provide the best education we can afford for our children, academically and spiritually, at this time.
I believe there are two homeschooling camps, perhaps more. Sheltering (save them from the evils of the world!), as you have perceived, versus the view my wife and I have taken. As for kids feeling comfortable enough to ask questions, I would hope comfort with parents is not segregated to only homeschool kids. I think a different question here is whether parents are comfortable enough to answer any question a child would pose.
Often I have found a simple question from child, no matter the subject, can be satisified with a simple answer. As an adult, especially an analytical one, I tend to want to explain in far too much depth.
October 26th, 2005 at 11:16 am
Thx for your insight Wayne. It’s okay, you can type the word sex on my blog.
We should go to Frosty Frog and discuss this topic so I can learn from one that is going before.
Yeah, Regina and I haven’t quite processed the whole dating thing yet. I think I’ll save that for another topic on another day.
An after effect of what seems like so many Christians homeschooling or going to private schools is that there won’t be other kids with similar values in the public schools for my kids to hang out with and help strengthen them against the constant bombardment ‚Äî they will all be at home or in private schools.
October 26th, 2005 at 11:21 am
I am only addressing the shelterist philosophy of parenting — not so much education methods.
October 27th, 2005 at 8:09 am
With regard to the “shelterist philosphy of parenting” - I would tread lightly on the view that it is intrinsically over protective and potentially harmful. I have personal experience with a lack of sheltering and it has caused me many difficulties (both in adolescence and even now). You can never imagine how I wish now that I had been “sheltered”.
I am not saying there is no validity to your questioning - only that the motives and ends of protective parents are not necessarily bad and do have significant positive merit.
October 27th, 2005 at 9:42 am
John thx for your input. Knowing very little of your background wouldn’t it also be safe to say that there was very little parenting going on? I’m not suggestion sending a child off to … well I can’t say Bourbon Street anymore … to expose them the evils of the world.
Just last night Camryn, Maegan, and I watched some show on Animal Planet called “Venom ER.” It’s about a hospital out west that deals with rattlesnake bites. There were some pretty “not nice” things shown (extremely swollen appendages, bruised split skin, people in pain, etc.) but we got to talk about the importance of snake safety, the amazingly efficient way God created for venomous snakes to catch food, and yes, that the cute little kangaroo mouse died ‚Äî no, I can’t say for sure if it went to Heaven.
Each philosophy has its pros and cons (aka: potentially harmful), I’m just making a case for mine.
October 27th, 2005 at 2:36 pm
Fresh -
Parenting - yes there was parenting - but I wouldn’t say it was very protective.
I guess my point is that you don’t even need to send your child off to “Bourbon Street” for them to be exposed to things that could have a detrimental effect on their psyche for the rest of their lives.
There is a certain degree of skepticism and sheltering that I will subject my children too - regardless - simply because I have a pretty good idea about the things that go “bump” in the night. Unfortunately, those things generally arrive at our front doors or in our neighborhoods as Anakin Skywalker - they are cool, hip, the hero - and to our horror they turn out in the end to be working for the Emperor.
I try not to hold homeschooling over anyone’s head - but I will not apologize for protecting my children while I can. Heaven knows they’ll be adults soon enough.
October 27th, 2005 at 4:57 pm
Anakin Skywalker - parenting - kids gone bad - role of fathers - working for the Emperor…
John, looks like you’ve been reading No, Luke, I Am Your Teacher: A Jedi’s Guide to Homeschooling by George Lucas…
October 27th, 2005 at 5:17 pm
Seriously, though, speaking as one who had a tough time with the decision to homeschool recently, I’ve learned it’s never a slam-dunk.
You’ve got two-income couples… no-income couples… widows and orphans… families that can afford a stay-at-home homeschooling mom… families that can’t afford it, but do it anyway… families that can afford it, but don’t…
Here’s the deal:
Families are hard.
Raising kids is hard.
Teaching kids is hard.
Managing money is hard.
Loving others is hard.
Following Christ is hard.
… and they’re all important.
I think in all of these areas (and a lot more, surely) it’s very easy to judge… but it’s also very easy to feel judged… no matter how you live it out, homeschooling, public schooling, full-time ministry, rich, poor, whatever…
I hope I learn how to live out my life honestly and authentically in all of those areas without offending or taking offense… yeah, yeah, sometimes you need to… but that’s the exception. I just need to learn to forget myself, entrust myself to God (’cause He’s the only one I’ll answer to in the end), and live to love and serve. Simple, right?
October 28th, 2005 at 7:51 am
Hugh - sounds like you’d fit into the Emerging Church well.
October 28th, 2005 at 8:06 am
Kevin, that only shows that you don’t understand. Come, let us walk the labyrinth and have a conversation…
October 28th, 2005 at 10:00 am
I demand an apology!
It’s easy to take things personally when it comes to parenting and education, isn’t it? Imagine being in a large group (usually women) where you are the minority and the conversation inevitably turns to “just making a case” for the majority’s views of parenting and education. Just an observation as I agree with Hugh’s last assessment.
Can you give me a real life example of the whole Anakin/Empire analogy?
November 2nd, 2005 at 3:34 pm
In an offline “real life” conversation John Lee and I had a conversation. His emphasis was on being cautious about the friends your children hang around with.
I completely agree when it comes to those your child invests their time and interests with. Friends encourage, just make sure they are encouraging the same general things you as a parent are. I would say to teach them about the importance of choosing good friends while they’re young though or else you’ll be in trouble later.