“Closer” Is Here!
Well I finally finshed the demo of the song I started way back in 2003. I’m not gonna say too much about it, I want to hear from you the listener. What do you think? How does it make you feel? What kind of thoughts does it make you have?
Download
*I don’t claim to be a singer so just imagine a real singer on the track - I have David Brooks in mind.
Closer
V1:
Roll it over, try again,
Do we hope for something more?
Nothing’s new and nothing has been,
Any different than before.
Bridge:
And a strange, familiar haze falls.
V2:
Remember every now and then,
Just enough to keep us warm.
Holding out, we’re holding in,
Being spit out on the floor.
PreChorus 1:
Sometime is our currency,
Lately, like forever.
Chorus:
When will You break through?
When will You carry me to,
To where I hide You, I find You,
And You’re moving me? (Closer.)
But ’til then…
Tag:
Do it over again, Do it over again,
Maybe tomorrow, closer. (Roll it over try again.)
V3:
Holding on and trying to,
Wonder if we’re who we were.
Going nowhere and maybe we’re too,
Too far gone to know for sure.
February 23rd, 2005 at 10:25 am
Listening to it on the way in, I need to bring down the vocals in the first verse and bridge. A friend also recommended making the part after the first chorus have the loud guitar and loose hi-hat - coming back in with a burst of energy. I shall do another mix tonight. I might even retake some of the WAY out of tune vocals.
Can any vocalists out there give me some online analysis?
February 23rd, 2005 at 9:37 pm
Wow, nice production value for the home studio. The timing seems very good. I would be curious to find out the origin of the lyrics. I also like the layering of the voice. The tone of the piano is killer.
Hey if you need a furious lead with a healthy does of 80’s cheeze - ring me.
February 26th, 2005 at 6:01 pm
There will be some that don’t know this, so: I know how hard it is to write, play and record something of this magnitude mostly or entirely by oneself.
Lyrically, it paints a picture and that picture matches the tone of the song. Think about changing one line: Lately, AND forever. That’s what I heard in my head as the line was going by, but you said LIKE and broke the mood.
The song structure is great. Not too much intro, pre’s, or chorus. Just the right length to paint the picture and get out.
The sound is solid. It’s a demo and I recognize that, so no picking production nits. Here’s what I will say: the chorus lets me down. Everything else is so strong, that when you get to the chorus I’m waiting lyrically for the point of the song (what you want me to know) and also for the soaring, sweeping chorus. I don’t know: take the piano out and see what wants to be there; guitar power chords, maybe. With a strong vocal (I can hear that Evanescence gal doing this) you need to make the point in the chorus and slam the listener in the chest sonically. That’s how I heard it in my head.
Also, let the bass guitar move around a little bit under there. In the tag and the last verse, especially. I almost could hear a fretless bass on the end, but I bet it doesn’t need it.
Put this one in the Keeper pile. You have proven again that you are 10 times the songwriter I am.