I’ve found it! Finally! Eric loaned me the Evanescence CD titled Fallen last night and as I listen, the feel of the music and production seems to resonate with me on a deeper level. I guess you could call it haunting, angst-ridden, pop rock but music like this has always attracted me for some reason.

Maybe it’s the subversive artist in me that knows that this place is not my home. Never having really fit in while in school, I can remember thinking thoughts that would have landed me in the ground if acted on. I am so thankful to have had the Holy Spirit keeping me in check. Jesus himself was rejected and ridiculed, that’s how this place is. As I get older though, it feels more comfortable. I love my wife and children, I want to be with them. But I have to ask the question, “Do I love this place more than desire being with Jesus?” Honestly, I have to say that I am no longer anxious to go.

As for material things, places and activities, I have no attachment but when it comes to my loved ones, I hesitate. Read the following account of Christian Martyrs. It’s not in the account but I can imagine that somewhere, someone’s loved one (who also claimed to be a believer) asked them to deny Christ and live - they’d still be together and still go to Heaven when they die later.

The Martyrdom of Saints Perpetua and Felicitas